"Why can't I have a discount"?
(Because you're a flatulent greedy bitch that's why)
"Because Company policy does not allow extra discounts on top of special rates for tour operators"
"But the special rates are only for the room, not the facilities"
(You already get nearly 50% off, how fucking greedy can you get?)
"Sorry, I really cannot change Company policy"
(Actually I can, but you have really put my back up, you have been clicking your knobbly fingers at the waiters since you walked in the door, who do you think you are, you sell rooms, that's all, you sell holidays and shit)
"But I bring you lots of business don't I?"
(Yes you do, and so do a lot of other operators/agents, stop making a fool of yourself, and go home, I am not giving you the steam off my.... anxious nods from a co worker trying to tell me that my 11 O'clock appointment is here)!
"Well, I really cannot understand why you won't bend the rules a little, I mean you could give me lodge for a night or two, you're not full, and I have some colleagues coming over for a couple of days...they are very interested in seeing the standard of accommodation, just as a goodwill gesture? Some of these people are very influential, they will love it here and they would be willing to do wonderful PR for the Resort...."
(Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off, you are really getting on my nerves now, I now have two people waiting to see me, and we don't need your half arsed PR gurus ta, we do fine without them)
"I'm sorry, but as I say, we are not in a position to offer you either a complimentary, or discounted stay, as you already receive a substantial reduction because you are a tour operator. You are here as an individual, not as group, and as such you are not entitled to your discounted rate, however I would be willing to give you that rate today. I would also be more than willing to meet with your colleagues and give them a comprehensive tour of the Resort and the accommodation, as you say they will be impressed with the high standard and will more than likely want to recommend us to clients"
"Look, I want to speak to the GM, I think it's ridiculous that I should bring you the amount of business that I do and you are so unwilling to just give me a lodge for a couple of nights, I mean what's the problem"
(The problem is you rancid old cow is that you have stayed with us on five occasions that I know about, and every time you have graced our doorstep, you have managed to wangle a freebie...free accommodation...free dinner...free spa treatments for that fuck ugly cellulite on your hairy arse...free everything, now, you either pay full whack or you sod off, and by the way, you might as well say 'get me the organ grinder, I ain't talking to no monkey'!
You don't bring us anything, guests re-book because they like it here, and if you only knew that your colleagues have told me that you try to steer them away from Hotels that don't give you anything...I think you have had enough from us, I am on this weekend, and I am giving you nothing, if you're lucky enough to catch another Manager next week, and they're stupid enough to give in to your demands, fine, but today, I am not budging.)
"Well, fine, I'm obviously wasting my time, pity, it's such a nice property"
(Hmm, yes you are and yes it is, but it's a property that you won't be swanning around in this weekend)
I have probably just cost my boss a few grand, but it was worth every cent.
"Mrs W. I can assure you that my GM will only tell you the same as me, but if you would like me to call him at home for you...no? OK, well thank you for dropping in, I hope to see you again soon, now if you'll excuse me I have someone waiting for me.
Another freeloader, they all crawl out of the woodwork when the boss is away. Some of these operators think we owe them something, most of the ones I know are great, but just now and then you get one like her, and I take great delight in watching their hopes of a free weekend melt away. For what it costs to keep her in chocolate body wraps, I could employ a linen porter!
On my way back from this ear bashing, I saw a little lady coming towards me in a golf buggy. She seemed to be going a bit fast, and rather too near the pond for my liking, as she turned around to say something to the woman on her right, the whole thing toppled over into the water!! Not only did she turn her head to the right, but the wheel as well! Her (ex) friend went in first, sideways, the she followed, landing on top of her, the now steaming buggy was lying on its side in about five feet of water.
I have never seen so many people run so fast, it was like one of those old films where the heroes have been walking through the desert for days, then find an oasis, and being desperate for a drink, throw themselves into the water.
If anyone tells you that lady golfers are refined laaydees, bullshit! The air was blue! *##*!
Made my day, so funny, oh they were fine, a bit wet but fine.
Luckily, we don't have these....