Hotel Management.....Why Do I Do This?

23 February 2008

"Gimmee Gimmee Gimmee"

"Why can't I have a discount"?

(Because you're a flatulent greedy bitch that's why)

"Because Company policy does not allow extra discounts on top of special rates for tour operators"

"But the special rates are only for the room, not the facilities"

(You already get nearly 50% off, how fucking greedy can you get?)

"Sorry, I really cannot change Company policy"

(Actually I can, but you have really put my back up, you have been clicking your knobbly fingers at the waiters since you walked in the door, who do you think you are, you sell rooms, that's all, you sell holidays and shit)

"But I bring you lots of business don't I?"

(Yes you do, and so do a lot of other operators/agents, stop making a fool of yourself, and go home, I am not giving you the steam off my.... anxious nods from a co worker trying to tell me that my 11 O'clock appointment is here)!

"Well, I really cannot understand why you won't bend the rules a little, I mean you could give me lodge for a night or two, you're not full, and I have some colleagues coming over for a couple of days...they are very interested in seeing the standard of accommodation, just as a goodwill gesture? Some of these people are very influential, they will love it here and they would be willing to do wonderful PR for the Resort...."

(Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off, you are really getting on my nerves now, I now have two people waiting to see me, and we don't need your half arsed PR gurus ta, we do fine without them)

"I'm sorry, but as I say, we are not in a position to offer you either a complimentary, or discounted stay, as you already receive a substantial reduction because you are a tour operator. You are here as an individual, not as group, and as such you are not entitled to your discounted rate, however I would be willing to give you that rate today. I would also be more than willing to meet with your colleagues and give them a comprehensive tour of the Resort and the accommodation, as you say they will be impressed with the high standard and will more than likely want to recommend us to clients"

"Look, I want to speak to the GM, I think it's ridiculous that I should bring you the amount of business that I do and you are so unwilling to just give me a lodge for a couple of nights, I mean what's the problem"

(The problem is you rancid old cow is that you have stayed with us on five occasions that I know about, and every time you have graced our doorstep, you have managed to wangle a spa treatments for that fuck ugly cellulite on your hairy everything, now, you either pay full whack or you sod off, and by the way, you might as well say 'get me the organ grinder, I ain't talking to no monkey'!

You don't bring us anything, guests re-book because they like it here, and if you only knew that your colleagues have told me that you try to steer them away from Hotels that don't give you anything...I think you have had enough from us, I am on this weekend, and I am giving you nothing, if you're lucky enough to catch another Manager next week, and they're stupid enough to give in to your demands, fine, but today, I am not budging.)

"Well, fine, I'm obviously wasting my time, pity, it's such a nice property"

(Hmm, yes you are and yes it is, but it's a property that you won't be swanning around in this weekend)

I have probably just cost my boss a few grand, but it was worth every cent.

"Mrs W. I can assure you that my GM will only tell you the same as me, but if you would like me to call him at home for OK, well thank you for dropping in, I hope to see you again soon, now if you'll excuse me I have someone waiting for me.

Another freeloader, they all crawl out of the woodwork when the boss is away. Some of these operators think we owe them something, most of the ones I know are great, but just now and then you get one like her, and I take great delight in watching their hopes of a free weekend melt away. For what it costs to keep her in chocolate body wraps, I could employ a linen porter!

On my way back from this ear bashing, I saw a little lady coming towards me in a golf buggy. She seemed to be going a bit fast, and rather too near the pond for my liking, as she turned around to say something to the woman on her right, the whole thing toppled over into the water!! Not only did she turn her head to the right, but the wheel as well! Her (ex) friend went in first, sideways, the she followed, landing on top of her, the now steaming buggy was lying on its side in about five feet of water.

I have never seen so many people run so fast, it was like one of those old films where the heroes have been walking through the desert for days, then find an oasis, and being desperate for a drink, throw themselves into the water.

If anyone tells you that lady golfers are refined laaydees, bullshit! The air was blue! *##*!

Made my day, so funny, oh they were fine, a bit wet but fine.

Luckily, we don't have these....


James UK said...

I wonder if simply smiling sweetley at these people, and not saying anything, once you've made your position clear, would have any better effect?

You'd hope that once they'd asked two more whiney questions along the "But can't I.." "But you could..." lines, and all you've done is smile and stay silent, that they'd realise they weren't going to get anywhere.

What is it about us that makes us never happy..? If someone offers us a £1 off, we don't say thank you... we ask for £2 instead!

Medbh said...

Cheap people make my skin crawl and trying to scam free stuff is the worst. What happened to paying your own way?

Gypsy said...

Has the woman got no pride? GAH I can't stand freeloaders.

When I worked in the resort at Uluru I had to man the bbq area one night where all the backpackers hung out. This one guy kept pestering me all night to give him a steak for free (a steak I would have to account for at the end of the night). He kept crying poor, trying to make me feel sorry for him. I pointed out to him that it was hard to be sympathetic when I was a working stiff while he was traipsing round the world seeing amazing places I would probably never get the chance to see.

Still he continued to try and scam me out of a steak, all the while downing one beer after another (apparently getting drunk was more of a priority than getting fed). In the end I told him to stop being such a free loader and fuck right off. He was too drunk and belligerent by then to notice what I'd said so I didn't fear reprisals. As I said I HATE free loaders.

Queen Of Clean said...

Oh James...I smile, I smile, then get bored and just have to say something.

People like her don't understand subtlety, or body language, she is just so arrogant that she thinks she doesn't even have to ask, she expects to be pandered to.

Picked the wrong weekend to throw a party for all her cronies that's all. :-)

Queen Of Clean said...

Meb...we are a target for freeloaders, they don't have any morals, and think it's fine to stay/eat/swim/golf/click fingers at waiting staff for free.

My skin stays intact, I actually enjoy the challenge, I don't enjoy confrontation, but after all it's a business, and it's my job to make money not give it away.

Queen Of Clean said...


That reminds me of a bbq at work, some pissed up punter was hassling the guy on the grill, same thing, wanting free food, this went on for quite some time, and he was getting fed up with him, so the tong weilding cheffy said 'ok, I'll give you something to eat, hold out your hands'. When he did, he plonked a red hot burger straight onto his hands! He told him he was getting free food, but he had to pay for a plate...amazingly he didn't drop it, due to the anaestethic effect of alcohol.

You'd be sued these days for causing bodily harm by hot burger or something stupid like that.

James UK said...


OK, last one; why not say "I'm just popping down to the basement to speak to the manager" then do that comedy "walking down the stairs behind a counter where there are no stairs" routine, á lá Bobby Davro, Gary Wilmot in the 80's etc.


Queen Of Clean said...

Ha Ha knees are too creaky for that, but nice image!

Manuel said...

Tour guides are the very fucking worst. Just because they bring you business they seem to think they own you......fucking leeches.....

Queen Of Clean said...

Oh Manny, down boy!

I know some really nice, genuine operators, this one is an exception.

monty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Quickroute said...

I think peeps in the business deserve a discount but at the discretion of whoever is in charge. Keep asking and your discount should be removed and keep asking and asking bi-atch and you get black listed! Post that above the reception as policy!

Anonymous said...

I'm offering discounted accommodation at the gimcrack. send her my way.

(we've got crocs too!)

Tony said...

God, we have people who do business with the restaurant i work at and much like the idiot in your post, expect stuff for free. i guess greed transcends all cultures, as does a total lack of self-respect and/or pride.

English Mum said...

Jeez, people have some bloody neck, don't they! I think James' suggestion is a winner. Or failing that, the silly walk gets 'em every time x

Anonymous said...

My, but those hangman words are tough!

upset waitress said...

Bus drivers do the same thing. They think because they drove a shit load of people to the property, they should get something for free. Screw that. I discriminate. I hate bus drivers so they get charged extra if anything.

upset waitress said...

Oh, I got around to putting you on my blogroll finally =)

Anonymous Boxer said...

You're very funny. Having spent my college days at a high end hotel cleaning rooms..... this post and your blog made me laugh.